If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
