Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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