I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
