just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
