I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize