I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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