Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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