and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She just used a chaser for red wine.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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