Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
