i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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