I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
