bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize