I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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