so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
