There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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