Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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