So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize