he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
