omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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