2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm bleeding and have questions
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
