She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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