Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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