This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
