Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
be right there i have to get my cape
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
