Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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