Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
