found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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