it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
