I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
