i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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