Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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