ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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