Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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