i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
