i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think my vagina is haunted
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
And then my night got REAL pukey
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
