all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I believe in your delicious
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize