I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
