When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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