I just saw a hot homeless man
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
