The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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