They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
