from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
