I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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