The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
