I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize