peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
