I just threw up on my dentist
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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