he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize