I'm pants shitting drunk right now
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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