If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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