I seem to have left my pride at pride
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
