There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So many bounce houses so little time
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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