I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
