When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
