I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
