Whod you bang
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
