i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
