is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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