Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize