I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
