She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
