We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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