You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
this will be a night to untag.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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