I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
